I am at the point in my life where a job is not fulfilling, creating a business involves a ton of marketing, many hours spent working endlessly towards a perceived idea of success and to accumulate money. I sit in a small 10 X 10 room I call my office, this is where all the magic happens, creative workshops, mastermind thoughts, podcasts and meditations for others.
Yet, today and most days I crave for something more, something that involves deep experiences of growth and evolutionary downloads that will change the face of humanity. It is this yearning that keeps me alive.
Today, like most days are spent trying to talk myself into greatness. Hell, I have post it note after post it notes filled with inspiration, love quotes and motivation, all of which I would rather not read today, yet I read through them looking for the magic pill to take away these deep cravings for more. Today, it dawned on me what my real craving is….to create life with people who desire the same experiences that I do. To create life with deep emotions, deep expansion into the unknown and unseen. Deep conversations that leave me wondering about everything and fill me up at the same time.
I know on a conscious level that I deserve, desire and try to create this everyday….yet the yearning for more never ends. I constantly ask, Why? Why do I yearn for more? Why am I so inquisitive? Why can’t I just be happy? Yet, every cell in my body is screaming for something I just can’t fulfill. I long for such pure conscious love that I ache with the thought of what that would be like, the vision of it sets me on fire and scares the heck out of me at the same time.
Every thought that runs rampant in my mind says you have everything you need and more….yet I ask what about desire. Is it selfish to desire something different? Is it outside the experience of this lifetime to desire everything this world has to offer and more?
Daily I ask, What is it I desire? Who do I desire to be? I see so many people sharing their strategies of how to be successful, how to break the boundaries of their thoughts, their emotions, their beliefs…..I even teach others to do the same. Yet, today I am vulnerable to my own yearnings and desires.
My yearnings are so persistent and strong that sometimes I feel that my desire will swallow me up one day, never to be seen again within my own self. Today seems to be one of those days where the tears stream down my face with no option of stopping. No matter how I try to distract myself, I continue to feel the gentle tug of what else is possible to explore. I also know that these kinds of days generally mean there is a breakthrough of some kind about to happen, yet, these days are hard on my psyche, on my emotions and on my confidence.
I want to create a life of amazing experiences with others, I want to create partnerships with people where competition does not exist. I want to live everyday with so much expansion that when I lay my head down at night I am exhausted in all the accomplishments of the day. I want to have such deep conversations about everything that I run out of questions to ask.
What I yearn for has nothing to do with material objects, they have everything to do with relationships of love…. deep, deep love. I know at some level of this experience today I am tapping into a consciousness that exists within our human race and I know that some of you can relate and have similar yearnings. So, my quest continues, how can we create this amazing life we dream of?
As a wise old soul once told me, we are not islands, we create consciousness together. I am tired of the same old thing, I am tired of competition, I am tired of religion, politics, hate crimes, discrimination, material possession….the list goes on forever. I am tired!
Again, I ask. How can we create a life so full that we have no desires, no yearnings…. just bliss? The answer comes in a form of a vision, simple be a magnet and allow spirit to come to you. This way of being is in the current programming, yet I understand its function and dynamics. My new craving is to be this magnet, to stop thinking and working so hard that I literally stop the flow.
The new form of question is to “Show me” – show me how to be the magnet and to relax within the new way of being.
AUTHOR: Angela Blaha, Author, Mentor, Lover of Evolution.
I assumed we had evolved beyond the ludicrous belief that we cannot connect with source, cannot feel, hear or see beyond the veil and into the perceived “woo woo” of spirit. But, I was wrong as my latest radio interview still held the energy of disbelief in the self and the power of the soul.
I teach about emotions, thought, beliefs and how they relate to intuition. How our thought forms and belief patterns attach to the fear of our emotions and hold us from mental, emotional and spiritual growth. In fact, I teach people to use Intuition as their thought form rather than the mind/ego because the mind is based in the past while intuition is based in present moment.
During my last radio interview I was explaining to a man how his belief would not allow him to connect to a past loved one because he would not be able to hear the message. He was skeptical and said he did not believe I could talk to someone he lost a long time ago. Everything I said he denied. He left the conversation still in disbelief, as my words were not powerful enough to break down the belief system. Yet it is not the connection to his deceased loved ones that were missing, rather it is his belief, which is attached to emotions of fear, guilt, forgiveness, and even love that holds back the connection.
Listen to the interview, YES, Meditation is a Blue-Collar Thing, too!, here.
It is not my or your ability to connect to past loved ones, aliens, ghosts, spirit or even God that is “woo woo”. Rather, it is our unspoken emotions, beliefs and mindless thoughts.
We are programmed to ignore, stuff and hold on tight to our rigid patterns, making them unseen and unspoken. This action creates unfounded and ludicrous beliefs, the direct definition of “woo”.
I believe in infinite possibilities, which allows me to expand the mind. I use intuition as my thought form, constantly trusting my connection with my own soul. In trusting and knowing myself from the inside out it is this evidence of wisdom, of knowing any truth which stops me from blindly following others with such “woo woo” belief systems.
I will trust my intuition, my connection to all that is, before I would trust any other unfounded fearfully based thought form. I trust my soul and all of our wisdom. I will not blindly follow any other belief just because they have been a cultural, familial or religious belief for eons.
Here are 3 question I ask myself to better know and understand my truth.
- Is this really my belief? Or does it belong to society? To my family? To religion?
- What emotions are attached to this belief and are they really my emotions? Do I really feel this way?
- What is my truth? If this isn’t my belief, what is?
And so it is.
As I was gently reminded of how I keep love and people at an arm length, I decided to dive deep into the subject. This is not the first time I have been told this and I am consciously aware of how reserved I am at times
I can create many excuses for being reserved like being hurt in past relationships; people just don’t understand me, etc. But when I look deep within me I recognize that it is the depth of my own love that stops me from allowing people in.
If I define it even further, it is the depth of my love that even frightens me at times and as I ask myself why would love frighten me, the answer is very clear. If I were to allow my pure conscious love to be exposed it would be very intimidating as I know I carry much light. I have also experienced my intimidation factor with people, they always have a glazed look in their eye. When I am fully exposed with my love it can be too much for people and they shy away and I see the looks on their faces as if to say, “who are you”?
So, for this reason, I shy away from exposing my love, the depth of pure conscious love within me is very vast, strong, powerful and can be overwhelming. When I first began to channel “The Mothers” I experienced the overwhelming sense of pure conscious love. Their love was so strong it overwhelmed every cell in my body and I wondered if this is how people experience my pure love? I also wondered why I resisted receiving such an amazing strength of love, after all, this was the goal, to be pure conscious love.
There is a portion of me who remembers and understands pure love and yearns for it daily. There is also a portion of me who is afraid to embody all of it and most importantly to expose it. Again, I could use all the excuses for this fear based perception like divine timing, something needs to be healed, etc., yet I am fully conscious of fear and how it keeps me separated from my wisdom and truth.
(If you like this, you may like the podcast episode, The Abundant Love Project: The Stones that Blossomed into Love)
When I dive even deeper into the subject I notice the body begins to soften, as if to say, finally I have exposed my truth and I can release this shield of protection. Well, at least one layer of the shield. Love seems to have so many layers…..as with every thought and emotion it can be changed to fit your desires. So, I ask myself what is my desire? Do I desire to stay shielded with my love and the reception of love so that I hold myself back from experiences I desire to have?
As I take a deep breath and release I begin to have an inner dialogue. The remembering thoughts of being hurt come through and the soul reminds the mind that that is only perception and perception can be changed. Logically I understand this, yet the mind does not want to let go as it is very difficult for me to experience hurt or the perception of hurt….then the soul says, do not allow yourself to see hurt as you have in the past. Rather see everything as an experience without right or wrong, love or fear, good or bad.
As I take another deep breath I settle into the knowingness of bringing the intenseness of pure Love to the earth. I recognize this as a purpose and I choose to fulfill my purposes!
As I sat in church at a family funeral I wished I could change the words that I heard coming from the Priest’s mouth.
I’m not here to say the priest was wrong, after all he is simply repeating what he has been taught to say.
I wish I had distracted myself during the sermon so I would not have been reminded of how unworthy I am. I had been taught for many years to believe that I was not worthy, that I was a sinner who is unworthy of God’s love or other people’s love not to mention my own love. During some portion of the ceremony I heard this statement: “Even though we are unworthy to have you in our house God”…..Really?
At that moment I was grossly reminded of why I find myself feeling not worthy of my abilities to see, hear, smell and feel across the veil to the unseen. In that moment I witnessed myself in a totally different light. I became the witness of who I am with the understanding that I used to believe in that statement, in those words, that programming. That I was not worthy of God, even though in the next sentence I heard, we are to be like God. Such controversy, no wonder I have found myself stuck in my belief about who I am or why I am here?
This sort of tactic, creating such duality in the thinking which leads to beliefs about who we are as human beings keeps us in separation of what our soul knows as the truth. This is totally opposite of what I teach which is to know and understand that we are God, we are individuals within the oneness and that we are worthy of the grace, love and bliss of all that is.
It was again heart wrenching for me to sit in that pew and to be so cruelly reminded of the time when I bought into the belief of unworthiness. The mind programming week after week still remains in my cell memory as I witnessed the mind wanting to go back to that time when I viewed myself as unworthy of life, yet my soul stopped the memory. I found myself appalled by the words that drove home the essence of believing in such separation from own soul/spirit.
It has been awhile since my return from Peru and I was gently reminded upon my return that I was still playing at the edge of separation and today, during this church service I was again reminded of how easy it is to play on the edge of separation as the programming remains in cell memory. I thought about how I could stop playing on the edge, stop the belief patterns that hold me back from ascension. I began repeating to myself, no judgment only love. I repeated this mantra over and over.
Being aware when I am on the edge playing with the nonsense of not feeling worthy of pure love is the first, second and third step to overcoming, clearing and creating new beliefs. The fourth step is to believe that I am worthy of pure love/God. The final step is to BE pure love no matter what words are used to remind me of times past. Yet I question what the meaning of being really is? As days pasted from this experience I played with the idea of being – what could this possibly look like. I came to the conclusion that being has everything to do with receiving. I give love away, yet I am not very good at receiving. This is where the exploration begins.
For more information, check out my book, How to Remember Your Power Through Self-Love & Forgiveness.
I have to admit it has been a struggle for me to get back into any type of routine since my visit to Peru. Although it has been four weeks, I feel like it has been an eternity and wonder what I have been doing since then.
Upon my return, I vowed to carry the amazing high vibration of love, joy and bliss energy I experienced in Peru. I knew at some level of my existence this high vibration was possible, but I had not experienced until my trip.
A few days later I was talking with a client and I noticed I had willing gave my high vibrational love energy away. I thought to myself there it goes, I was confident I could regain the vibration at will.
Disappointingly, since that moment in time I have been basking in the 3-D energy of separation, I have been disconnected with the high vibration. I consider myself to be fairly conscious and I thought to myself, seriously, do I have to do this again? It has taken me a few weeks to sort out what has been happening, but here it is.
My thinking patterns had returned to third dimensional thinking which showed up as “lack of” thinking. I lacked the close connection with the people I so enjoyed in Peru. I found myself missing the energy, the people and the place, all of which kept me in third dimension. I found myself thinking, if only I could live in Peru where the energy of lay lines are so high you can actually see them with your third eye, then I would be happy. I found my emotions crawling into these thoughts and how my feelings took on the thinking. I found myself feeling exhausted and crying constantly, thinking I wasn’t enough to human kind. I had a lack of purpose and I found myself regurgitating the thoughts over and over.
I knew something was wrong and consciously dove back into the separation to understand why. In my last blog I talked about all the past lives where I lived in separation, trying to understand it’s every move. Here I go again, I heard from my soul.
What I learned is this: when I choose to move into separation of who I know I am, it is my thinking patterns that change. And even though I was in the midst of the energy, I knew something was not right, I felt trapped within my own psyche. I knew consciously, at some level, that I was going into the energy of lack, which is exactly what third dimensional/separation/unconscious energy is.
I also learned just how multi-dimensional we really are as human beings as we choose which energy to flow with and which energy is teaching us something. Looking back it was another beautiful experience and another gentle reminder from Peru.
When I move into third dimensional energy it is my thinking patterns that change, falling into the lack paradigm. When I choose to move out of that energy, again my thinking changes. I know I cannot trust my thoughts as they are always related to past memories or experiences and it is present moment time which creates our reality. I tried to move myself into present moment time knowing this would bring me out of the lessons or experience of separation from myself, but the energy would not have it. My experience had not been learned and my soul was not about to allow me to experience joy until I understood and found the wisdom. Even though I knew I was experiencing something, I choose not to look at what I was to experience, instead I choose to be miserable in my own thoughts and emotions.
I have been asking for full consciousness and what this experience taught me, which may be important to you is this: Pay attention to which dimension you are creating in. If you are in a lack paradigm ask yourself, what is this experience about? How can I move through this more rapidly and what do I need to understand, feel or bring remembrance to the surface to move forward? Learn about who you are at a level beyond your current wisdom, dive deep into the experience without judgment, lack of thinking or fear of the unknown.
Much new information has come from my diving deep, backing is all dimensions and moving further into who I am and what is to come. If you are experiencing pain and suffering, please reach out, you can find me at http://angelablaha.com.
I have been asking my soul to bring into my consciousness full remembrance of wisdom and Peru certainly delivered!
Peru is one of the most beautiful, natural and magical places on earth. As my journey began, I remembered so many lifetimes where only pure love existed, a type of love that created a feeling of ecstasy and so much joy. A richness and depth of genuine care, I felt I had left this earth and traveled in time to another dimension. A love where only bliss lived, no worries or anxiety. A time where separation did not exist. I was excited to remember love so pure, something I believed for many years only existed in fairytales, dreams or for the pure romantics, yet I sensed it could exist and I found it in Peru in my memory banks of wisdom. This created a comfort in me that I knew was and still is possible in our world today.
As we traveled through the country, every new place, city or stop by the edge of the road was filled with memories. The beginning of the trip allowed for the rush of pure love, where ancient societies cared for each other in ways beyond my current reality of the human expression of care. Ways that seemed magical as in that time and space, separation did not exist. I remembered the intense emotion of love where every cell in my body was filled with passion, again thinking this depth of love only existed in fairy tales or magic; an emotion so romantic, I once believed only existed in some outer galaxy. Yet, I remembered it existed here on earth, it created a sense of such deep peace within me, a depth I had not experienced before.
As we continued our travel, devastation appeared and swept me from the grasp of love into disbelief, overwhelm and hurt. As I witnessed through remembrance, the time and place where separation entered like a plague, dividing and creating chaos. I remembered the first unconscious killing of another human and how I felt so alone, angry and betrayed. This memory left me with such overwhelm as I could not believe or understand why anyone would choose something other than bliss. I felt such deep, deep hurt, I was beyond devastated, I was heartbroken!
From my heartbreak, I dove into separation, understanding it’s every action, every thought process, every emotion that it created within the human. Lifetime after lifetime I came back diving deeper and deeper into how separation creates doubt, worthlessness, hopelessness and destruction. How, with one tiny vibration of it’s energy, our own love can turn into something vile, and we use our thoughts and emotions not only against others, but against ourselves. My quest was to know separation at the depths that I knew love, and this lifetime is remembering it all so I can help and serve humanity as we are in the midst of the shift of our consciousness to return to the depths of pure conscious love.
The lessons or experiences of separation has lead me back to this point in time and space of remembering pure love. This pure conscious love is what Peru has so kindly reminded me to move back to, how to remember the vibration of pure joy, a feeling beyond separation, beyond the devastation of doubt. A state of pure love so full of emotional bliss, that it creates magic everywhere!
How do we bring this feeling of ecstasy into everyday living was my next quest as we spent many days in the tranquility of the jungle, integrating what we experienced within us. I wanted to know how to bring this ecstatic love energy to you. As our fearless leader of our group expressed over and over, we bring this blissful energy of love into everyday living by paying attention, being very present and experiencing how we feel! Pay attention to how you are, the words you use to describe how you are feeling, the words you use to understand your emotions and thoughts. Pay attention to the details, as the details create and grow your reality. Create something magical everyday that reminds you of the love you are, maybe it’s a note you post to your mirror so you see it everyday. Or maybe it’s a kind gesture you do for someone else. Or maybe it’s the way you lean into your partner to say, “I love you” as you send the vibration of unconditional love. Or maybe it’s the way you dance, to free your spirit and allow your inner God or Goddess to come out and play. Maybe you walk in the rain and remember how you used to splash in the mud puddles as a child. Just do something that allows the remembering of your love, your essence!
I know I have spoken on this subject before, but Peru has reminded me of how magical pure love is and it is my quest to move this magic within you, to a new level. We have to bring pure love into our everyday living, we no longer have excuses, as the intent of the shift we are experiencing is creating the new earth and this depth of pure conscious love. We are the new earth, you and I and it is our responsibility to create this kind of magic that we are! Empower yourself and the people in your life to love without conditions and intolerance, be very clear about your essence as this is your purpose. How do we practice pure love? By practicing tolerance, detachment from materialism and being unconditional love. We are human and we will fall away from our essence, yet this is not a reason to be hard on ourselves. Simply and gently remind yourself of your love!
Create romance in every relationship, speak your truth with passion, allow your emotions to be seen. When we are seen, we are no longer lonely!