As a woman growing up in the Midwest, I was taught that it was important to wear the right clothes, to eat the right foods, to be kind, to go to church and wear your best dress, not to speak up for what I believed or what I thought.
All of these rules are so out of alignment with who I really am. Yet, I went along with the rules so not to be tooooo far out of the norm that I was totally isolated from society which basically told me what to do, how to speak and what to wear. A total stripping down or programming of who I came to this beautiful earth to be.
What a bunch of crap!
Through out my entire life there has been this calling to be something different from the rules. The love I hold within is sometimes so overwhelming that if I were to unleash it it just may override the entire world within which we live and then I would be to blame for the destruction of the world, as we know it. I laugh to myself at how ridiculous this may sound, but the need to be myself is sometimes that overwhelming. My need to be who I came to earth to be is not what society expects me to be. And the courage it takes to be original is at times extremely overwhelming making it easy to hide from the backlash.
I am not a bra burning women’s right enthusiast; rather I am an enthusiasm of being original. What that really means is still yet to come, because every minute of everyday we create something new, something original.
I am at the point in my life where I can say the hell with society, the hell with the rules. I just want to be free!
The story should end here, but what I know is that my previous programming of being a “good girl” still runs and it is taking some time to change the programming, a sort of struggle that only I control and can change with every moment of time.
So why do I choose to remain within the parameters of the rules? I know I am so much more than what the rules teach; I know I am totally outside the parameters of the rules. I do consider myself an outlier and always have. I knew I was different from most people around me, even my own Mother would tell me it was okay to different. She even saw that I really did not fit within the confines of what and who I was expected to be.
Who am I? I ask myself this question everyday in my meditation and everyday I receive a different answer. And I give thanks that the answer is never the same because then I would be trying to fit into the rules of who I am supposed to be.
When I heard the word starseed, I knew I had finally found the meaning of who I am. What does the word really mean? All I really know about the word is this; with every syllable of the word is a vibration that resounds with every ounce of my being. A definition is a continuous work in progress as I discover new information every day about my starseed heritage.
