As I sat in church at a family funeral I wished I could change the words that I heard coming from the Priest’s mouth.
I’m not here to say the priest was wrong, after all he is simply repeating what he has been taught to say.
I wish I had distracted myself during the sermon so I would not have been reminded of how unworthy I am. I had been taught for many years to believe that I was not worthy, that I was a sinner who is unworthy of God’s love or other people’s love not to mention my own love. During some portion of the ceremony I heard this statement: “Even though we are unworthy to have you in our house God”…..Really?
At that moment I was grossly reminded of why I find myself feeling not worthy of my abilities to see, hear, smell and feel across the veil to the unseen. In that moment I witnessed myself in a totally different light. I became the witness of who I am with the understanding that I used to believe in that statement, in those words, that programming. That I was not worthy of God, even though in the next sentence I heard, we are to be like God. Such controversy, no wonder I have found myself stuck in my belief about who I am or why I am here?
This sort of tactic, creating such duality in the thinking which leads to beliefs about who we are as human beings keeps us in separation of what our soul knows as the truth. This is totally opposite of what I teach which is to know and understand that we are God, we are individuals within the oneness and that we are worthy of the grace, love and bliss of all that is.
It was again heart wrenching for me to sit in that pew and to be so cruelly reminded of the time when I bought into the belief of unworthiness. The mind programming week after week still remains in my cell memory as I witnessed the mind wanting to go back to that time when I viewed myself as unworthy of life, yet my soul stopped the memory. I found myself appalled by the words that drove home the essence of believing in such separation from own soul/spirit.
It has been awhile since my return from Peru and I was gently reminded upon my return that I was still playing at the edge of separation and today, during this church service I was again reminded of how easy it is to play on the edge of separation as the programming remains in cell memory. I thought about how I could stop playing on the edge, stop the belief patterns that hold me back from ascension. I began repeating to myself, no judgment only love. I repeated this mantra over and over.
Being aware when I am on the edge playing with the nonsense of not feeling worthy of pure love is the first, second and third step to overcoming, clearing and creating new beliefs. The fourth step is to believe that I am worthy of pure love/God. The final step is to BE pure love no matter what words are used to remind me of times past. Yet I question what the meaning of being really is? As days pasted from this experience I played with the idea of being – what could this possibly look like. I came to the conclusion that being has everything to do with receiving. I give love away, yet I am not very good at receiving. This is where the exploration begins.
For more information, check out my book, How to Remember Your Power Through Self-Love & Forgiveness.
