Today, I sense the presence of my Mother.
The memories of her flood in as this is the second time this week I am reminded of her as tears begin to swell in my eyes. I am not one to spend too much time grieving as I am able to see, hear and regularly converse with passed loved one’s. However, I have not been able to communicate with my Mother since the day she died. I have often wondered where she went or what she has been doing, I assumed she went back to the star from which she came.
Today her presence is overwhelming and I am jolted into grief and missing her. I do not feel anxiety, rather sheer loneliness of her human presence. I have wondered often where she has been over the two years since her transition, I take a deep breath and go into my soul space. My soul space is where I am able to connect with all beings. She does not talk, she simply smiles and I can feel her sending me love.
I did not really grieve my mothers death after the funeral as most of my grieving was done before she died. She gave herself the gift of Alzheimer’s and taught me so much about the soul and how it moves in and out of the body with this disease. So when the day came for the funeral it seamed all most easy, as some called it a blessing, as there was no more pain and suffering as we watched our mother deteriorate right before our eyes.
But now two years later I am feeling lonely and miss her kind words, her beautiful smile and her kisses. I am in awe with her presence now and it seems I am in a wave of the grieving process. As that is how grief works, the emotions, the memories, they come in waves and the emotions are mixed within the waves. I ask, “why now” after all this time, I do not hear an answer, rather I feel a simple loving presence. Some how the words, the answers, the justification that I deem necessary all seem so dismal as I bask in the simple loving presence of her essence.
For now I am thankful that she has made her presence known to me and I just soak in the humbling emotions of love and compassion, grace and peace of her.
I encourage you to leave your own messages of your grieving process as shared experiences are sometime so comforting.
