As I was gently reminded of how I keep love and people at an arm length, I decided to dive deep into the subject. This is not the first time I have been told this and I am consciously aware of how reserved I am at times
I can create many excuses for being reserved like being hurt in past relationships; people just don’t understand me, etc. But when I look deep within me I recognize that it is the depth of my own love that stops me from allowing people in.
If I define it even further, it is the depth of my love that even frightens me at times and as I ask myself why would love frighten me, the answer is very clear. If I were to allow my pure conscious love to be exposed it would be very intimidating as I know I carry much light. I have also experienced my intimidation factor with people, they always have a glazed look in their eye. When I am fully exposed with my love it can be too much for people and they shy away and I see the looks on their faces as if to say, “who are you”?
So, for this reason, I shy away from exposing my love, the depth of pure conscious love within me is very vast, strong, powerful and can be overwhelming. When I first began to channel “The Mothers” I experienced the overwhelming sense of pure conscious love. Their love was so strong it overwhelmed every cell in my body and I wondered if this is how people experience my pure love? I also wondered why I resisted receiving such an amazing strength of love, after all, this was the goal, to be pure conscious love.
There is a portion of me who remembers and understands pure love and yearns for it daily. There is also a portion of me who is afraid to embody all of it and most importantly to expose it. Again, I could use all the excuses for this fear based perception like divine timing, something needs to be healed, etc., yet I am fully conscious of fear and how it keeps me separated from my wisdom and truth.
When I dive even deeper into the subject I notice the body begins to soften, as if to say, finally I have exposed my truth and I can release this shield of protection. Well, at least one layer of the shield. Love seems to have so many layers…..as with every thought and emotion it can be changed to fit your desires. So, I ask myself what is my desire? Do I desire to stay shielded with my love and the reception of love so that I hold myself back from experiences I desire to have?
As I take a deep breath and release I begin to have an inner dialogue. The remembering thoughts of being hurt come through and the soul reminds the mind that that is only perception and perception can be changed. Logically I understand this, yet the mind does not want to let go as it is very difficult for me to experience hurt or the perception of hurt….then the soul says, do not allow yourself to see hurt as you have in the past. Rather see everything as an experience without right or wrong, love or fear, good or bad.
As I take another deep breath I settle into the knowingness of bringing the intenseness of pure Love to the earth. I recognize this as a purpose and I choose to fulfill my purposes!