Summer of Ascension Series: How to Connect to your Soul’s Purpose through Meditation
Summer of Ascension Series: Separation….and Why it is So Strong
Summer of Ascension Series: Activating Your Love Lineage
Why I have Kept Love at Arm Length!
As I was gently reminded of how I keep love and people at an arm length, I decided to dive deep into the subject. This is not the first time I have been told this and I am consciously aware of how reserved I am at times
I can create many excuses for being reserved like being hurt in past relationships; people just don’t understand me, etc. But when I look deep within me I recognize that it is the depth of my own love that stops me from allowing people in.
If I define it even further, it is the depth of my love that even frightens me at times and as I ask myself why would love frighten me, the answer is very clear. If I were to allow my pure conscious love to be exposed it would be very intimidating as I know I carry much light. I have also experienced my intimidation factor with people, they always have a glazed look in their eye. When I am fully exposed with my love it can be too much for people and they shy away and I see the looks on their faces as if to say, “who are you”?
So, for this reason, I shy away from exposing my love, the depth of pure conscious love within me is very vast, strong, powerful and can be overwhelming. When I first began to channel “The Mothers” I experienced the overwhelming sense of pure conscious love. Their love was so strong it overwhelmed every cell in my body and I wondered if this is how people experience my pure love? I also wondered why I resisted receiving such an amazing strength of love, after all, this was the goal, to be pure conscious love.
There is a portion of me who remembers and understands pure love and yearns for it daily. There is also a portion of me who is afraid to embody all of it and most importantly to expose it. Again, I could use all the excuses for this fear based perception like divine timing, something needs to be healed, etc., yet I am fully conscious of fear and how it keeps me separated from my wisdom and truth.
When I dive even deeper into the subject I notice the body begins to soften, as if to say, finally I have exposed my truth and I can release this shield of protection. Well, at least one layer of the shield. Love seems to have so many layers…..as with every thought and emotion it can be changed to fit your desires. So, I ask myself what is my desire? Do I desire to stay shielded with my love and the reception of love so that I hold myself back from experiences I desire to have?
As I take a deep breath and release I begin to have an inner dialogue. The remembering thoughts of being hurt come through and the soul reminds the mind that that is only perception and perception can be changed. Logically I understand this, yet the mind does not want to let go as it is very difficult for me to experience hurt or the perception of hurt….then the soul says, do not allow yourself to see hurt as you have in the past. Rather see everything as an experience without right or wrong, love or fear, good or bad.
As I take another deep breath I settle into the knowingness of bringing the intenseness of pure Love to the earth. I recognize this as a purpose and I choose to fulfill my purposes!
Why I bought into the belief of not being worthy
As I sat in church at a family funeral I wished I could change the words that I heard coming from the Priest’s mouth.
I’m not here to say the priest was wrong, after all he is simply repeating what he has been taught to say.
I wish I had distracted myself during the sermon so I would not have been reminded of how unworthy I am. I had been taught for many years to believe that I was not worthy, that I was a sinner who is unworthy of God’s love or other people’s love not to mention my own love. During some portion of the ceremony I heard this statement: “Even though we are unworthy to have you in our house God”…..Really?
At that moment I was grossly reminded of why I find myself feeling not worthy of my abilities to see, hear, smell and feel across the veil to the unseen. In that moment I witnessed myself in a totally different light. I became the witness of who I am with the understanding that I used to believe in that statement, in those words, that programming. That I was not worthy of God, even though in the next sentence I heard, we are to be like God. Such controversy, no wonder I have found myself stuck in my belief about who I am or why I am here?
This sort of tactic, creating such duality in the thinking which leads to beliefs about who we are as human beings keeps us in separation of what our soul knows as the truth. This is totally opposite of what I teach which is to know and understand that we are God, we are individuals within the oneness and that we are worthy of the grace, love and bliss of all that is.
It was again heart wrenching for me to sit in that pew and to be so cruelly reminded of the time when I bought into the belief of unworthiness. The mind programming week after week still remains in my cell memory as I witnessed the mind wanting to go back to that time when I viewed myself as unworthy of life, yet my soul stopped the memory. I found myself appalled by the words that drove home the essence of believing in such separation from own soul/spirit.
It has been awhile since my return from Peru and I was gently reminded upon my return that I was still playing at the edge of separation and today, during this church service I was again reminded of how easy it is to play on the edge of separation as the programming remains in cell memory. I thought about how I could stop playing on the edge, stop the belief patterns that hold me back from ascension. I began repeating to myself, no judgment only love. I repeated this mantra over and over.
Being aware when I am on the edge playing with the nonsense of not feeling worthy of pure love is the first, second and third step to overcoming, clearing and creating new beliefs. The fourth step is to believe that I am worthy of pure love/God. The final step is to BE pure love no matter what words are used to remind me of times past. Yet I question what the meaning of being really is? As days pasted from this experience I played with the idea of being – what could this possibly look like. I came to the conclusion that being has everything to do with receiving. I give love away, yet I am not very good at receiving. This is where the exploration begins.
For more information, check out my book, How to Remember Your Power Through Self-Love & Forgiveness.
