Silence

Silence

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I had been anticipating much joy of my recent silent retreat for months, I couldn’t wait to be in silence, to go so deep within myself that I would become lost. This is something I had been craving for a very long time now.

Little did I know it would be so much more than just a simple craving!

I contracted strep throat infection the Friday before I left for my trip, I was so sick. It was the sickest I have been since my college years. My entire throat was white with infection; I ran a fever, headache, etc. I thought seriously about not going to the retreat as I was driving over 13 hours and I really did not want to infect others.

The morning I was scheduled to leave, I again thought I should not go, but I somehow knew and understood that this infection was my body fighting against change. Cell memory that needed to be released and healed yet was so eager to hang on to what it was comfortable with. I made the decision to pack up my clothes and to attend no matter what was trying to stop me, determined to transform even in the face of physical illness.

The first day of the retreat was zen silence, which meant no eye contact along with no talking or writing. Just being with myself. It was perfect, exactly what I was hoping for. There was no need for odd communication of any kind with total strangers. I loved every minute of it.

It was a total stripping down of myself, which was my intent. Strip away what is no longer needed or useful. I spent the day doing a lot of crying, not much thought, just being present with nature and listening to the soul.

The following days were equally as transformative, day two was spent with ridding the body of cell memory done via massage, a Lakota sweat, and lithium hot springs. I felt new again and the body felt much pleasure.

The third day was spent with healing, feeling a familiarity to Crestone, I knew I had been there before in some other life and that I needed to heal the earth and my actions of that lifetime. It all became evident with the remembering of that life and perceived actions of good will, which did not turn out that way. This day was spent with so many blessing and such deep healing with spirit, the land and myself.

Day four and five were filled with rejuvenation, stepping fully into my abilities and demonstrating them. Making new connections with soul family at the retreat and plans for the future.

Many blessings to all of you!

Here is an amazing spirit photo from Crestone!IMG_2092

Silence

Transformation is fun!

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Who am I kidding? Transformation is a lot of work, emotions fly everywhere, so many days when you have no idea is happening, feeling lost, feeling stuck, feeling like giving up!

Fortunately we all go through these times….notice I said fortunately. If we did not go through these periods of change we really would be stuck.

Summer is my time for transformation, every summer I spend time in silence and generally around water. Water seems to help me heal and is so calm and flowing, it knows what to wash away and what to bring to the surface.

This year has been no exception and my transformation has been very disruptive and long. It seems that time has flown by, I realize this statement is a cliché, but really this summer for me has disappeared with what I consider to be very little change.

I have found being in transition to be a normal part of my cycle of life in this human being. I talk about transition almost on a daily basis yet what are we really talking about?

When I am moving through a transition there is a period of feeling stuck, not knowing what that really means-feeling stuck, but it is a feeling of not knowing or understanding. Sometimes it may be based in fear of the unknown, it may also be based in high expectations and not sure if I can meet the demands or even want to.

During this time I reach out to others for help to move through the energy a bit faster but this year it seemed to hang on for what seemed to be forever. My old ways of moving through the energy did not seem to help, almost as if the practices held me in my feeling of “being stuck” even longer than usual. So I have been on a mission to create new practices by trial and error. This letting go of what I now consider old practices has opened up many opportunities to expand further than ever expected.

When the period of “feeling stuck” slowly recedes there is a feeling of new joy, this new sense of joy is renewed through glimpses of fantastic ideas, one here and there. This has always been my signal that the transformation is making a turn and that the new energy will soon find its way to a normal way of being.

My deepest finding through this transformation was that my practices were weak and that creating space for the transition to take place was what really worked. Fighting against the transformation only caused more pain, which created a sense of time moving slowly.

When I open my heart and allowed the defragging to take place, that is when time seemed to fly and then understanding and new knowledge emerged. I associated this time with defragging of a computer. In the past I used to defrag my computer, this defragging allowed time for the system to rearrange, to get rid of things that were no longer needed, to upgrade new systems and to re-categorize new and old information. That is what it is like when a period of transformation takes place and how it works.

My biggest take away from this transforming summer is: when your feeling stuck, allow yourself time, open your heart and allow space for the transformation to happen. Stop fighting against it and accept that change is moving in, after all, we are beings in a continuous state of change.

Play date

Play date

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It begins to rain as I sit to write this blog. Some hate rainy days; I love rainy, cloudy days as they have a tendency to make me go inward. Something I need to do right now as this creation time for me is slipping away with no real creation at hand.

As I sit with my eyes closed, I can sense the flashes of the lightening. I know the thunder will start soon and right on queue it shakes the earth with its mighty boom. The sound of thunder continues to roll through, like a mantra it encourages me to go deeper. Enticing me to spend time with my soul and to feel the wonder of the earth and all of her beauty. As the raindrops begin to fall, I hear the splashing pings on my roof, the flashes of light and thunder continue. As I take a deep breath I settle into a peaceful place where there is nothing but the sounds of nature and the quietness she brings. I notice a child like essence begin to flow out of me as I wonder what it would feel like to stomp my foot in the puddle as I did when I was younger.

As my mind begins to wonder to my list of chores Mother Nature once again sends a gentle reminder of thunder to move away from the list, to experience her beauty and further within. The birds begin to sing their song of praise and I can imagine in my mind’s eye how they are fluffing their feathers in the gentle rain as it cleanses their bodies.

As I bring my awareness to the sound of the rain drops on the roof, then on the deck, then on the leaves of the plants near by, I again notice this child like essence who wants to come out to play yet I mentally tell myself not to splash in that puddle. I play this mental game with myself with notions to splash or not to splash.

I begin to notice that I hear an entire orchestra playing, sounds of thunder and how it rolls through the sky, splashing sounds as the water hits the multitude of surfaces around me. I envision the rain cleaning and cleansing the air, removing the dust from the leaves and nurturing the earth in a way that is simply a wonder and hard to find words to create the vision I am in right now.

I am in awe of the creation of it all. I have been feeling a bit stuck lately in my creations and I wonder how I can be feeling that way when such beauty has been created right before me. I have no excuses, as I am the creator of everything I do. If Source can create such wonder for me to live in then I need not have excuses of my own creation.

Thank you mother earth for reminding me of how simple life really is and that no matter what we perceive to be happening that we can return to such simplicity at any given moment.

I give thanks to Mother Nature today, as she apparently knew I needed to go inward to where the real essence of whom I am resides. She once again has provided the opportunity to settle inward with the perfect mantra and sounds for my meditation and writings today.

Silence

A Spiritual Mystery: Does God Listen to Prayers?

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July 18, 2014

by: Deepak Chopra, M.D.

Without taking a poll, it’s safe to say that people who believe in God also believe that he answers prayers. If he didn’t, one would be left with an indifferent, distant deity who pays no attention to human affairs. This alternative is hard to reconcile with faith, and so believers are left with a God who seems to answer prayers selectively. It’s as if there’s an invisible telephone line to Heaven, and when you call, sometimes God picks up and sometimes he doesn‚Äôt.

I‚ love simplified the scheme the theology of prayer gets very complicated because for most believers, praying is simple. You entreat God to do something special for you, and you take your chances. For every answered prayer, millions go unanswered. God must be a selective listener, or else there’s something wrong with the person who is praying.

Despite this frustrating and irrational setup, who hasn’t turned to prayer in times of greatest need?

To get to the heart of this question, we should start with a blank slate. Set aside your image of God as a father sitting on his throne somewhere above the clouds. Such images differ from one religion to the next and are clearly projections of the human mind validated only by cultural myths and traditions. Second, lose the notion of the invisible telephone line. If God is omnipresent, there is no distance between you and the one you pray to. Finally, strip God of all human attributes, including gender. Whatever God is, the reality must be superhuman, however you define the term.

Mundane Intentions Versus Deep Desires

In the Indian spiritual tradition, these first steps were taken thousands of years go. The slate was completely clean, and therefore one could ask the most basic question: Why does any desire come true? For a prayer is essentially a desire or intention. It differs from mundane intentions like wanting a candy bar or intending to do a good job in one thing only: the desired object seems out of reach. We invoke a superhuman power when human powers fail.

This is where the Indian sages had a brilliant thought. What if mundane intentions are not different from prayers? This possibility defies the logic of prayers if you think you are telephoning God. What links all intentions, no matter how extraordinary, is that they happen in consciousness. So the mystery of prayer turns into a more fundamental investigation into how consciousness actually works. Clearly the intention to eat a candy bar or to do a good job at work brings the mind into contact with reality in such a way that intention is connected to outcome. So why isn’t this true when you pray for a friend to recover from cancer or for peace in the Middle East?

Samyama

The answer, according to the Vedic rishis, who explored consciousness more deeply than anyone else, comes down to three aspects that enter into any intention, indeed into any thought.

How deep into the mind is the intention coming from?
How steady is your focus?
How fluid is your intention?
In Sanskrit these three elements are known as Samadhi, Dharana, and Dhyana, and when all three are fused, the entire mechanism is called Samyama. There’s no need to dwell on these terms, only to point out that the success or failure of an intention depends on the effective use of one’s awareness, not on a request to a deity who may or may not be listening. Samyamabasically means to bind or hold together, and when all three of these components are unified, that’s what makes for the strongest intentions. You have gone deep enough into your own self-awareness that you can affect what happens in the outer world; your intention is one-pointed rather than scattered; and your mind is steady while remaining fluid and flexible.

The Obstacles in Prayer

If this explanation is correct, it describes unanswered prayers as the product of a mind that is restless, shallow, conflicted, or unable to focus. All of us suffer from these obstacles.

Answered prayers, on the other hand, represent a kind of total clarity that may come at any moment, like the sudden parting of the clouds, and at such a moment the mechanism that fulfills intentions works smoothly. Although Samyama is identified in the tradition of Yoga as a high attainment, it seems reasonable to say that the same mechanism exists in everyday consciousness. After all, to live is to carry out intentions.

Once you understand how the mechanism works, you have a choice. You can meditate or pursue other spiritual techniques that bring the three elements of intentionality together. The results will not be the same on every path. Some people will experience a prayer coming true, others will be able to live in the present moment, and others still may feel that they are connected to God.

As straightforward as this description of intentions is, it gives rise to its own questions, which we’ll explore in the next post.

To be continued

Meditation

Meditation

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When you read the word above what did you think? Do you have a regular meditation practice? Do you pray, write, daydream? Then you already meditate!

Meditation is not just sitting on a pillow with your hands in om mudra, being silent for half an hour. My meditation practice changes almost daily. In the beginning it was hard to sit for even a few minutes and even today it was hard to sit for more than 10 minutes. Instead of feeling guilty, which I did in the beginning, I just simply tell my logical mind that my practice is what it is. No judgment, no guilt!

There are many types of meditation. My favorite is mantra meditation because it gives my logical mind something to do while my creative mind creates. An easy mantra to use while meditating is, “SO HUM”.   It is used with the breath, so on your inhale you hear “so” and on your exhale you hear “hum”. When using a mantra we do not use our lips or tongue to say the mantra, instead we simply hear the mantra being repeated.

Mantra’s are vibration’s or sounds that are heard in nature, they have no real meaning! This is important to be aware of so that we do not attach any meaning to them, as mantra’s can induce specific vibrations in our mind. Mantra’s are known to be instruments of the mind and can be used to enter deep states of meditation.

What has meditation done for me? Meditation has been a life savor for me, keeping the stress over the last several years to remain at bay. It has allowed my mind to remain clear so when some of the big decisions were to be made, I could make them and not attach emotions to the decisions or the process.

My story begins approximately 10 years ago; although I have always meditated in one shape or form, stumbling upon mantra meditation has been the best for me.   Around this time there were many changes in my life. I chose to have a career change, taking on more responsibility that I thought would be a joy turned out to be miserable. I was helping my aging parents make financial and medical decisions that were life changing not only for them but for all my family.   They decided to enter the nursing home because my Mom had Alzheimer’s and my Dad was too sick to take care of her. I became their Power of Attorney, making all financial and medical decisions almost by myself. Shortly after my parents entered the nursing home my mother-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer, had surgery and started chemo treatments. Only to discover two months later that my father-in-law also had lung cancer and his prognosis was grim.

My Father died in September, my Mother had a stroke the day after my father’s funeral and we were told she would probably not live more than a few days. Four months later, she passed. My Father-in-law passed about a year later. In the mean time, I had to help sell my parents house and all their possessions, clean out and sell all the possessions of my in-laws home and help with moving my mother-in-law to another town where she now lives with my sister-in-law.

My personal life was just as rocky with a major job change, buying and selling of my mother-in-laws business. And creating this new business, which I love!

I can honestly say that the one constant was my meditation practice! Of which I will never abandon. So when life throws you many curve balls, give yourself the gift of meditation!

Want to discover the benefits and joys of a daily meditation practice? Check out the Events page for upcoming classes and events or contact Angela to make a special request.

Silence

Manifesting

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Recently I was asked  “How do I manifest something?”  If you have watched “The Secret” you probably already know how to manifest, if you have not watched the movie I highly recommend it.

What I know about my own manifesting style is that once I set my intention and send it to the universe I must be willing and able to receive what I am asking for.  For me, this is the most important part of manifesting something I want.  My Mother always told me to be careful what I wished for because it just might come true.  Words of wisdom!  Because once I set my intention am I really ready to receive all the good and the bad that comes with what I am asking for?  We live in a dual world and there are always positives and negatives with every action and every decision.  So before I set an intention I ask myself, “Am I really ready to receive?”  Am I ready to do what it takes to manifest what I am asking for?  Is this really something I can do, no matter the cost?

One thing I do before I begin to manifest or set my intention or create a vision board or create a wish box is to really ask myself if this is truly what I want?  Always asking for angel or God guidance to tell me if this is for my highest good?  Can I grow and help others if I set this intention?  Will this allow me to be free of something and to grow personally?

Manifesting is simple, just ask for what you want.  And then get out of your own way, because the universe will deliver.  It may not deliver in the manner you have created in your mind, but it will answer all your requests.

So dream big!  Manifest your dreams and desires; it is your right to do so.  Ask, and you shall receive!  Just be sure you are ready for what is to come.